Platonic love is underrated. This is what I told a friend of mine who had just broken up, to comfort her. Don't we always struggle with that special person whom we really really love, but don't know if we're meant to be friends or lovers? What is it with being lovers that is so attractive anyway?
It's rarely ever the physical intimacy.
Is it the whole social girlfriend/boyfriend thing?
Maybe it's attention. Or respect.
Friendships are so often taken for granted. You crave attention and respect, but you never get it because, hell, "We're just friends, right?". This leads to a logical fork. Do you put up with these limitations and re-adjust your expectations, or do you make it more than just a friendship?
Is it worth it?
I don't think it is. I don't get why rational people do this to themselves, put themselves through the pain of romance. And it almost never works out. Romance crashes more often than Windows ME.
And yet people keep falling into this same old trap. Girl and boy. Share interests. Find each other charming. Carefully build up friendship for months. Move on up to Stage II. Crash. Unable to look each other in the eye again.
And you do this over and over again. I've seen some beautiful friendships fall apart because, apparently, whatever they had going for them wasn't enough.
Part of life? Self-destructive behaviour? I really don't know.
Well moving from being 'just friends' to being romantically involved are very different. I guess once you get closer to the person you find out things about them you didn't know while at the platonic level... and then it just doesn't work out.
ReplyDeleteAs for your question as to why people do it, well, the obvious answer would be that they won't be held back by the barriers of a platonic friendship.
Also, I honestly think people should discourage friends within their circle from hooking up, cause that can be disastrous!
I'm a firm believer of the idea that there has to be physical attraction. Not in a superficial way...I'm not eloquent enough to explain what I mean, but...in an "I wanna hold your hand" kinda way :-).
ReplyDeleteI also don't think you can rationalise the transition from being friends to more than friends.
I do not understand the love either but I love it. I also happened to have the uncanny ability to do what most fail to, convert from lover to friend! Except for one girl who utterly hated me for breaking up, I have a bunch of friends who knows me intimately.
ReplyDeleteI just had a one such visitor, a high school GF from about four years ago, came to comfort my broken knee. My wild thing knew right away there something more than the friendship to the hug she gave me :)
I'd say love is a part of life, and it gives exactly what you put into it.
i refuse to comment other than put ur own blogtitle that drew my attention. indeed is a messy business.
ReplyDeleteIt happens because we're told-and it's true- that the best kind of (romantic) love is always based on friendship. But that doesn't mean all friendships can or should turn into love.
ReplyDelete'Sides, heartbreak is an essential part of learning how to love, just like you're guaranteed to fall off your bike a few times when you ride it for the first time. (Of course, if you keep on making the same mistake over and over, you'll keep falling off, and there's no use blaming the bike when that happens ;))
The yummy sort of love that lasts IS out there, if you're brave enough to find it (and I trust that you are :) )
i think its familiarity to an extent. you dont think twice about casually holding each other or sharing secrets and then bam! someone wants more.
ReplyDeletewhy do rational people put themselves through this? probably because in the face of attraction you lose all rhyme and reason. not smart. but it happens.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSdELZxEnHY
ReplyDeletewatch dat... it's kinda connected to your post :P
ReplyDeleteMeg - Yeah, the limits people impose on platonic relationships are unreasonable, sometimes.
ReplyDeleteYeah, those lead to unfortunate 'third wheel' scenarios during the relationship, and a break-up can lead to the end of the whole group of friends. :S
Pseudo - Yeah, if the physical attraction is there and you're petty sure it won't be an awkward omg-once-I-went-out-with-my-friend situation, you should go for it, I guess. :)
Magerata - Good for you. Seriously. The most messed up thing about a break-up is losing the friendship as well. :/
And I totally believe that too, about getting what you put in. Love doesn't happen, you make it happen. :)
GG - Totalleh! :)
Shakti - Totally agree with you. And your bike analogy is spot on. I sort of fell down and am a bit sour grapes right now, I guess! :D Thank you for that comment, and your advice. :)
Delilah - Good points. And yeah, it happens sometimes. The human touch is a powerful thing. :) And YES about losing all reason in the face of love. I guess that's the way love rolls. But if you look back and have no regrets, I guess it's all good. :)
Loshini - Will take a look. Thanks! :)
Thank you for your comments, everybody! :)
Agree with the caption :)
ReplyDeleteWeeelll. You got me there. I've done the whole crash and burn thing, but I thought wouldn't give up the exhilaration and all that of the more than friends thing... but then again. I dunno, all things considered, there are some people I'd rather have just as friends forever than more that that for just a little while. :/
ReplyDeleteKirigalpoththa - :D
ReplyDeleteABCDme - I know, right? I mean, the whole relationship/friendship/the time/the emotion you invest in someone is gone the second you go through a bad breakup. :( IT'S NOT FAAAAAIR!!! :'C
(ok, done with the breakdown!) :)
Kaiser lays the whole idea down very well in this post http://kaiserschaos.wordpress.com/2011/03/18/break-ups/
ReplyDeleteThis comment is incomplete without a shameless plug. No, I plug two of'em.
http://wp.me/p1rVu-6M and http://wp.me/p1rVu-2G